Omg.

Damn, I don't even remember this. Wow. I'm in awe right now. I don't really know what to say at this point as I'm typing and back to this screen I used to see only from my desktop at home. I'm now, a Sophomore in college, on my bed, with my laptop on top of my knees, humming.

What I won't do, is try to recap. That's what I won't do. That will be pointless. Uh, what I WILL DO is just allow myself to get back into the flow of things and tell you right now, I have so many things going through my brain. I just closed my eyes and am now typing this with my head back against the wall. The sound of my typing is pretty nice. It reminds me of rain, and I like rain, even though the nights and days here haven't had a cloud in the sky. They make fun of me for enjoying the blue sky and telling luna that she's the prettiest thing in the night, but I am, Me.

SO I'm angry again...

I am not a mean person. I am nicer than anyone, and I can be so sweet, but mama told me not to trust everyone because they'll use you, and I feel like I've been used. Why're we always inviting people that I don't know foreal? Why when I don't want to go somewhere I have to be a party pooper? What's up with that? If I don't want to go. I don't want to go, PERIOD! I have the right to change my mind, I have the right to do WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO! I MAY NOT FINANCIALLY BE AN ADULT, BUT BABY, I HAVE A BRAIN!
I'm tired of being this angry person.
I am not an angry person, but these people are going to drive me to the brink of insanity.
Part of me feels bad and wants to reach out to the people that are pissin me off, but then the other side comes in and reminds me why the fuck I didn't go in the first place. I DiDN'T WANT TO!
Everyone's getting on my nerves. There is no one that I want to be around right now that goes to this fucking school. Like, what the hell dude? I am so not happy.
And I wanna be in his arms, but that's completely impossible. He probably doesn't even love me like that. I just wanna go OFF! I am so pent up and ready to go off. Like, I let people put me through so much shit it's not even funny. I am so pent up. I really am, and all this bullshit blah blah about how I should just let it go and continue to put myself out there...is just that, bullshit. I'm tired of fuckin gettin my feelings hurt by people who could give a fuck.
Yeah, I want love, I want it more than anything in the world, but like it's not even about that. It's about the fact that I can't have a day, like a DAY to myself without people trying to force me to go somewhere. UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I GET TREATED LIKE THIS! I am so angry.
Like, wtf, I drove you guys to the club. I did not want to go to the club, you said it would be like until 3...it's FIVE IN THE MORNING! I come back to get you, not saying a word, and then you call me a party pooper? Tell me why I have to be a party pooper just because I didn't want to act a fool tonight? Why do I have to be a party pooper? First of all, I didn't have to bring your asses to the club... I didn't have to do that. Then, you're gonna insult me? AND SO FUCKIN WHAT IF I'M TOUCHY!? STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKIN ASSHOLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH SOMETIMES!
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN RUN ME! Cause guess what?
When I close my eyes do you know what I see? A BABY! A BABY! You are a baby, and HOW DARE You bring him to my car, and pressure me to let him in... Why'd you even bring him over here? WHY DID YOU BRING THAT GIRL! OVER HERE!...HOW DARE YOU...How fuckin dare you? SO, I let him in my car, and he was the last to say thank you. I swear, God help me. I am so angry. I do not want to be this angry person. I don't want to have to go off, but these people are, these people are killing me, they are bringing me down and I pray to you help me find away above them, because I cannot save them... I cannot. I have tried.

Does anyone even read my blog or care what I have to say?

If you don't, that's fine. It's been so long since I've been on here I'm not surprised if you don't even look twice when I show up on your story scroll, thingy. I just, I dunno. For some reason, well, not for some reason, that "special time of the month" has come to me today, and it probably tributed to the catagory five hurricane that just took over my FACE! I cried for 15 minutes, but it felt like days. Time itself slowed to a dull hush and that damn Imogen Heap "Hide and Seek" just kept the tears coming. I couldn't stop myself. Everything I'd ever done was flooding through my head.
I thought about my last heartache, and I literally felt the ache again. I promised I would never relive that pain, but for some reason I presented it to myself again. I'm not happy. I mean college is what it is. It is new. It is freedom. It is different. These people, I- I just have no idea how I went from having a million new friends to having ultimately, 2. I don't like A LOT of people and I don't know if it'll get any better. All the - truth is I just want someone to like. I want a guy that I absolutely adore. I want to have a crush on someone, and I want to talk to that person. I want a lot of things, but what I want most in life is love. Requited. The kind I rarely get. I want to fall in love, but I wan- I would give my right arm for a guy just to talk to everyday. One I can see and express myself too. I am soooo effin lonely. All the guys I know are gay or taken, or they smoke... it breaks my heart to have slipped into this state of depression, temporary or not. It hurts me to think like this, but it's killing me to be here.
I Digress, HALLOWEEN!
HALLOWEEN CAN SUCK MY DICK! I officially hate this fucking holiday. I don't know if UAB did it, or WHAT, but this year...I want to fuckin SLAUGHTER Halloween. I despise it. I was never a big huge gigantic fan of it, but now it's really starting to piss me off. These people in my damn dorm have fuckin pumpkin shit all over their damn doors. The school has planned this even that, just today, had people dressed up like zombies AND JUST BEIN ASSHOLES! That, pissed me off. Like, I felt it, immature, and just STUPID. Halloween is fuckin dumb. Everything about it... So stupid, such a waste of money, and I would like to just...Ugh, I hate that holiday.

[deep sigh] I'm not finished, but this will do. I'm not even going to go look for typos. Just take it as is, I am so done.

Untitled

Are you unattainable

If you were then I wouldn't talk to you almost everyday

I find myself thinking about you way more than I should

In ways beyond our newly invented friendship

Ways that I probably should keep to myself

I see it in your eyes sometimes, that unsure blink of "what if..."

Oh, of course you would never admit your attraction to me

Maybe not never, maybe just "probably won't"

I can accept that until you smile

Then, I have to start all over again

But the good thing is you enjoy the fact that I never shutup

That I'm a little off and make stupid faces

At the wrong time, in the wrong space

It's okay with you, your indifference is discerning

But it's half the reason I like you in the first place

So keep being you, but alter your heart in my direction

Update...

So, I started college. I love college, but I haven't been taking pictures like I should just because I just got into the hang of things. Pictures are coming, I promise. Um, I have friends, but not many because there are so many people, I've learned, that aren't your friend but will act like it to the very end...
Um, yeah, that's about it. I will further explain in another blog later on.
Deuce.

College

I just got back from my college orientation on Friday. It was three days of some serious bordem, some serious fun, and a LOT of walking. I, at this point, am an official UAB Blazer. What is a blazer you ask? IT'S OUR FIRE BREATHING MASCOT, TRICK! Yeah, a dragon. A Dragon? Mmhmmmmm. I think that's the most awesome, random thing, ever. I'll be living with three other girls in the newly renovated Blazer Hall [ahh you like that huh?] and I move in in SIX DAYS! It's so crazy. This time next week, I'll be living in a dorm, as a real college student...I'm horrified.

Haters Everywhere We Go...

S o my hubs Drake fell again, right?

His already healing ACL took another blow tonight when it collapsed beneath him a couple of hours ago at the Philly/Jersey show of the ongoing tour
that kicked off a few days ago...

Trending Topic on Twitter.

['s amazing to me how quickly word travels, technology is truly a marvel]. Anyways, the real question I'm trying to get to is: Why do people feel they have to scrutinize the hell out of EVERY single situation that occurs??!

"People are so hard on Drizzy, like he's not human."

Like he's not a new artist. He's going to fuck up, okay? A lot. All this is new to him. Even though his ability is not, the instant fame is. These stupid people on Twitter could care less what kind of man he is and what he goes through, and as a supporter/spouse I find myself furious at the things they say and the jokes they make, but at the end of the day I am a proud supporter of someone I know who is extremely talented. So I brush that ish off, and I feel that he does as well. I just get so frustrated with the people that judge and hate on him simply because they are jealous, petty, and insecure when compared to his light. Cause he's gon shine, shawty, all day and all night long, just as soon as he learns to slow the fuck down and quit trying to outdo himself. You made it baby & I KNEEWWWW IT!